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Naughty Astronautess makes a miraculous appearance on Puerta de Ramos of the Catedral Nueva, Salamanca, Spain

Betty Gets Her Digs In

-Betty the Bounder
 Marginal character of Naughty Astronautess, The Family Jewels, etc.
 Last seen lurking in the phone booth at the Follies Derrière

O.K. you guys I gotta make this quick before that smart-ass author Mr. Iory gets back to his computer. But listen, I read his latest hogwash, Naughty Astronautess and I gotta tell ya he has it all ass backwards as usual! I mean really, the schlub thinks of me as some kinda punching bag for all of his cheap jokes. And let me say if he thinks my having a little drinkypoo now and then is such a side splitting yuck—then how about all those Romeritas he keeps knocking back at the Casa Romero night after night. What kinda sissy drink is a Romerita anyway? And as for his running joke about, “Betty has spent a large chunk of her career selling leftover perfume samples at Filene’s Basement,” well think again Dumbo, because the Basement is like over Miss Thing, that is, it’s closed, kaput, as in, no more! So get with the times….

Author’s note: Betty’s ranting has been translated into hacker’s scrawl so deeply embedded into my computer that I cannot get rid of it, but please consider the source when reading the above attack. Betty has been known to mistake Lysol for Galliano. And what kind of sissy drink is Galliano anyway?

Ba Ba Bolts The Door

-Ba Ba Rum Toddy
 The Charma Karma Ashram
 Pun- Jab, India

His Holiness Dilly Dally Rimpoché and I were reminiscing over a bowl of yack butter tea laced with Slivovitz about the good old days at the Portola, when much to our surprise, the profane volume, Naughty Astronautess, arrived in the mail from that hopeless disciple of mine Iory Allison. I was just about to toss the smut out the window when Dilly Dally, invoking the spirit of Milarepa to exorcise the demons seeping from the flimsy cover, was amazed to see the image of the “Astronautess” on the front cover. It would seem that there is a distinct resemblance to D. D. R.’s missing sister who was kidnapped by marauding Red Guard thugs during the Cultural Revolution. So naturally we were compelled to read the book. We had hardly started chapter 2 when we decided to bolt the door of the inner sanctum in order to protect our young monks, especially when we read about the antics of the monks at the Holy Fryer’s Monastery in Somerville.
You may remember our last judgment was succinct and to the point when we said about The Family Jewels, “This book is clap trap in the extreme.” Now we are not so sure D. D. R. is considering the esoteric ramifications of such an arcane mystery, and until more is revealed, the book will be banned from Bhutan to Brookline.

Tilly Wink Weighs in on Naughty

-Tilly Wink
 Literary Critic for The Bumble Bee Beacon
 Bumble Bee, Arkansas

Last time I encountered this Glamour Galore Trilogy thing I never thought that guy, Iory Allison, would have the gumption to make good his threat about writing a sequel to The Family Jewels. So imagine my surprise when my husband, Shadrach, of all people, brought home a copy of this outrage. He was still giggling from reading the absurd ending when he handed it to me but I only had to peek at the cover to know that trouble was in store.
I must admit to a certain amount of bias here because I got a mysterious call from some Betty the flounder (?), up in Boston, warning me not to read the blasted thing. How that screw ball got hold of my number is anyone’s guess. But, you know, I really don’t appreciate city slickers pushing me around so naturally then I wanted to read the story myself.
I am absolutely stumped! Naughty Astronautess has more odd ball characters then Garrison Keillor ever thought about. I read it at a gallop, hardly taking a breath and Shadrach had to fix dinner which turned out to be Puerco Adobado, a recipe he got from actually calling the Casa Romero Restaurant all the way up in Boston, Massachusetts! He said that he read about it in the ‘astronautess’ book and had to try it. All I can say is the Puerco Adobado was a lot better than that song, “Scuba in Aruba.” But besides the lousy lyrics, the book does have a lot of razzmatazz so read it and tell me what you think.

Sonia Schnable Spits It Out

-Lucius Beebe
 As channeled through the ouija board by Madame Sonia Schnable
 Literary Critic for Mystic Messages

That darling boy, Iory Allison, has done it again and written a modern marvel! In my day at the Herald Tribune even I could not have gotten away with such a prank. I mean this charming ditty is an out and out Gay romp (all puns intended). I would observe, however, that although a great deal happens in Naughty Astronautess you couldn’t really say it has a plot. I suppose that this is the case with most farces, but Mr. Allison twists one’s mind in such obtuse directions that a good laugh is all that we can expect for an explanation.

Bunko Goes Bonkers

-Bunko Lestrad
 Editor of The Police Blotter
 Boston, Massachusetts

I apparently made a serious mistake when reviewing the first volume of the Glamour Galore trilogy with far too much leniency. Now I am left asking myself, what price for a laugh? I had assumed that these books would be mysteries and as such they would have a moral and lawful resolution no matter what mischief the list of suspects were up to. But no, the author has dropped that pose and degenerated into pure farce. On top of that almost all the characters are guilty of various offenses from drug and alcohol abuse, larceny and bald-faced lies about almost everything.
I have ordered one thousand copies of the book for all my cadets to study in order to show them what kind of shenanigans we can expect from those kinds of people! As far as literary value, I would say that Naughty Astronautess has as much substance as laughing gas.

The Last Word, Again

-Shirley Slurp
 Avid Reader for Silos and Commoner
 On line hawker of excessive literary output

I am happy to report that Iory has outdone himself with Naughty Astronautess! He may also have undone a whole bunch of tightly made beds in the process. Expect the unexpected when you read this story of raw ambition tempered by completely unforeseen circumstances. And what a cast of characters! Although we met most of these loonies in The Family Jewels what we didn’t know about them would fill an encyclopedia. This story makes mistaken identity seem like a natural occurrence as common as looking in the mirror.

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